Truth is I wanted to leave my spine in someone else’s hands for a while. My healer canceled our appointment because of a cold. I was so excited to have two sessions so close together because of Thanksgiving, now it looks like they might be even farther apart than usual. Now I’ll never get fixed!
How much responsibility for my own healing can I take? Does getting better have to stop when I’m not being assisted by someone else? Time to get down with my own bad self and keep the healing flowing.
The first step is to separate blame and responsibility – not easy to do as they are frequently paired in my head. I usually think the person who made the problem has to fix the problem. Thats not always the case in healing. While I may not have caused my own suffering, I must take full ownership of it to completely transform it. Its easier for me to claim my healing when I’m not worrying about blame.
Taking radical responsibility for my health has some immediate benefits:
- I inhabit my body fully, even the hurt parts. When I got back from a long trip I realized I was hiding from my own back. I thought if I just didn’t pay too much attention to it I wouldn’t make it any worse. After the reassuring touch of my healer I was able to return there, inhabiting my slightly battered muscles again. It felt so good to be home again.
- I can find “me” through the suffering again. Some of those cramps buried by the 8th vertebrae are actually pools of my own energy trapped. In fact none of this hurt feels foreign – its just me configured in a new (uncomfortable way). Time to get to know the new me.
Next step – affirm that taking complete responsibility for my condition does not mean I have to do it alone. Healing always includes collaboration of some kind. In shamanism we have the compassionate helping spirits. In life we have the presence of our own spirit and every being in this universe available to us.
Despite the loss of my healer I believe the universe is always ready to help out. I remember those Continuum moves Beth Riley taught me – they helped so much last time I used them. Music feels so good. Of course there is always time to journey to the spirits and ask them for healing.
A few days ago I went to get fitted for a new wetsuit. This is a free-diving suit, it will carry me into the ocean depths with my monofin. Really its a new skin. The sea lions have been telling me they want me to get back into the water. My Selkie skin will be ready in a little under a month. Maybe this break from body work means its time to get back to training, time to take the spine to a pool.
Healing is always a journey – probably best if I show up for it, rather than trying to hide from whats going on. Who knows, there’s probably some sunken treasure to be found along the way.
Image: Breathe Easy by Liz Poage from Flickr, used under
a Creative Commons license