This morning I started dancing at dawn again, I haven’t done it since our little fosterling arrived almost nine months ago. As I spread my arms to the sky I immediately felt the company of Owl, who I’d been working with before. Imagine the radiant wings of a giant white barn Owl stretching out after nine months of hibernation. It feels good to knock the dust off these mottled feathers.
This was also the morning Fall officially arrived, at least as far as the wind was telling me. This is the time of year when my spirit, and THE spirits are most palpable to me. I look forward to Samhain with excitement that grows by the day. It feels like its been an eternity since Fall helped me to dance.
I have suffered for this lack of dancing at dawn, and I can’t really blame it on our fosterling. The weight of my fathers sudden passing, the weight of life’s challenges, caused me to pull back a little from…well…me. I became more focused on a way out, than on a way in.
|Owl Betwixt & Between|
The inspiration for my returning to dance was the realization that I was not in my power. I simply was not all here the way that I need to be. I was not leading with my heart and soul the way I wanted to.
I sat with that feeling for a long time, it was uncomfortable, but good. I chewed on it with my dinner, slept on it that night. I knew I’d latched onto something that would lead to an important transformation.
The next morning I sat in the garden and drummed, opening my heart to the silence. Sitting in the quiet with the plants and bees still buzzing in the hot morning, I felt the presence of spirit pressing in on me like an ocean.
The answer came: stop pretending, you know the way, its forward.
That has been the message for me lately – listen to my own spirit, the answers are often there. As I inevitably lose balance beneath the tides of little ones, projects on the land, day job and shamanic work, its the quiet of the land and the voice of my own spirit that return me home to myself.
The way forward is dance, specifically my dawn practice, my time to be with the land, spirit and to move. That is what calls me back to here in a way that is grounded yet profoundly spirited. As this Autumn arrives I’m deeply grateful for a practice that quenches my spirit-thirst, though I may stray from it for reasons all to human: lack of faith, lack of time, a tiredness that grows rather than dissipates. I am vulnerable to all the weights that pull at todays parents.
All of this calls me to deepen my practice. I now value dance in a new way, I see more clearly how it not only sustains me but moves me forward in my relationship with the spirits. That dance is always unfolding.
If you feel called to nourish your spirit at this time of year, perhaps you’ll consider joining me for a weekend of working closely with the helping spirits. They always seem to help us find the true nourishment we need. We’ll be dancing together in Carmel valley October 5th & 6th.
Blessings to you in this time of great change.